Pariutumisstrategiaa

Power balance between human males and females.

Consider again a human male in a relationship negotiation with a human female. The male has known since puberty that the female has the power to say "no" to sexual activity (female choice in mammals). From a negotiating perspective, the person who can say "no" has the greater power in the relationship. The human male knows that the woman has greater sexual power, and that he must work within parameters set by the female.

# As the relationship progresses, the female?s emotional expectations of the male increase. The male now arrives at an unpleasant dilemma. Human relationships depend on a balance of power and a sense of reciprocity. The male is already aware of an inequity in sexual choice, weighted towards the female because of her larger reproductive investment. He accepts this as a biological fact of life. Now, he is faced with the possibility of an emotional inequity, again weighted towards the female. How can this inequity be addressed?

# Where can the human male go to develop greater emotional skills? He generally can?t turn to other males, for two reasons. First, many of them don?t have the skills either. Second, there isn?t a group culture of sharing such information, so it?s difficult to identify which men have this knowledge. Male competition also means that those who do know are in no hurry to broadcast their knowledge from the rooftops.

# The only other source of this information would seem to be other human females. But now the male comes into direct conflict with the objectives of his female partner. To justify her reproductive investment, she doesn?t want her male partner?s attention to be diluted among other women. Especially not in the area of developing deeper emotional understanding.

# The male is stuck between unacceptable options. He can talk to men, but most don?t have answers. He can?t talk to other women, although they do have the answers. He can talk to his female partner, who does have the answers, but his acceptance of this information (the creation of a student-teacher relationship) creates another inequity to accompany the inequity in sexual choice. The typical result is fervent male denial of their alleged emotional inadequacies.

# Much male domestic violence occurs in response to this experience of emotional inadequacy. It is an experience that is guaranteed to every male in an intimate relationship with a human female. It may happen early or late, but it will happen. When faced with a double inequity (sexual choice and emotional intelligence) in their relationship with women, men are forced to use their other strengths to rebalance power in the relationship. Those strengths are typically force, aggression and logic.